How to be loyal without dependency?

Understanding loyalty without dependency is a profound spiritual and ethical concept beautifully illuminated by the teachings of the Holy Quran. Often, people mistakenly conflate loyalty with clinginess, an overwhelming need for another, or even the fear of losing a particular relationship. However, the Quran teaches us that true loyalty is rooted in inner independence and reliance on God, not in dependence on creation. This kind of loyalty is more mature, stronger, and more sustainable, as it springs from genuine affection and intrinsic value, rather than from a void or deficiency, or an attempt to fill unhealthy emotional needs. To be able to be loyal without becoming dependent, we must first pay attention to a key Quranic principle: absolute reliance on Allah (Tawakkul). The Holy Quran, in numerous verses, emphasizes the paramount importance of relying upon God. When a human heart fully relies on the Creator of the universe, knowing that all sustenance, security, and refuge ultimately come from Him, it is freed from overwhelming and excessive needs from others. Surah Al-Imran, verse 160, states: “If Allah should aid you, no one can overcome you; but if He should forsake you, who is there that can aid you after Him? And upon Allah let the believers rely.” This verse clearly demonstrates that the only true reliance is upon Allah, and no other power can overcome His will. This reliance on God instills a deep sense of inner independence and strength in a person, liberating them from excessive emotional or material dependencies on other individuals. When a person knows that their sustenance, dignity, and even peace of mind are solely in God's hands, and that He alone determines destinies, they will no longer resort to any means to maintain their relationships, and they will preserve their self-respect. They see themselves as servants of God, not servants of creation. This liberation from dependency does not mean indifference or coldness in relationships; rather, it provides a solid foundation for genuine and selfless loyalty. A loyalty that is not born out of need and weakness, but out of conscious choice, mutual respect, and shared values. This loyalty originates from a secure and rich heart that knows it has the greatest support in the universe. The Quran teaches us that any worldly attachment, even to close relatives, should not supersede love for Allah, His Messenger, and striving in His cause. Surah At-Tawbah, verse 24, issues a serious warning in this regard: “Say, 'If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your relatives, the wealth which you have obtained, and the commerce in which you fear decline, and the dwellings in which you delight are more beloved to you than Allah and His Messenger and jihad in His cause, then wait until Allah executes His command. And Allah does not guide the defiantly disobedient people.'” This verse reminds us that while love for family and possessions is natural and necessary, it should not reach a point where it overshadows the primary loyalty to God and His commands, leading us down the path of unhealthy and destructive dependencies. The loyalty derived from this verse is one whose criterion and basis is divine pleasure. This loyalty ensures that a person, even in their relationships with the closest individuals, does not sacrifice truth for worldly expediency or fear of loss. That is, if parents, a spouse, or a child make a request that contradicts truth or justice, one should respectfully and lovingly, but firmly, refuse to accept it, because their primary loyalty is to God, and this loyalty protects them from unhealthy dependencies and compromising their principles. For example, if a friend expects you to accompany them in a wrong deed, true loyalty to principles and values, stemming from reliance on God, empowers you to say 'no' without feeling guilty or fearing the loss of that friend. This 'no' is not out of disloyalty, but out of a deeper loyalty to one's principles and divine self. The Quran places great emphasis on preserving human dignity and self-esteem. When a person feels spiritually and morally rich and knows that their need for creation is only within the framework of legitimate and reciprocal needs, not for filling existential voids or finding meaning in life, then they can exhibit loyalty that is characterized by generosity and altruism. A loyalty that gives, rather than always taking and being dependent. Such an individual offers loyalty as an inherent value, not as a tool to gain attention, acquire benefits, or avoid loneliness. This kind of loyalty enables a healthy and reciprocal relationship where both parties are free and respected. In friendships and family relationships, this means you value the other person, respect them, share in their joys and sorrows, and support them, but this support and companionship do not mean sacrificing your identity, principles, or intellectual independence. You can love them and remain loyal to them without your life revolving around them or your happiness and sorrow being completely dependent on them. This requires recognizing boundaries, respecting individuality, and maintaining personal space amidst closeness and empathy. Indeed, it is this freedom from dependency that makes loyalty purer and deeper, as it is built on conscious choice and mutual respect, not on need and fear. Loyalty founded on the strong pillars of reliance on God and self-respect can withstand difficult trials and remain stable amidst the fluctuations of relationships. Ultimately, loyalty without dependency is a great spiritual achievement that can only be attained by cultivating complete reliance on God and prioritizing His love. This type of loyalty not only frees the individual from destructive psychological and emotional bonds but also ensures that their relationships with others are built on stronger foundations of respect, freedom, honesty, and altruism. This is the spiritual maturity that Islam and the Quran guide towards; a loyalty in which self-esteem, intellectual and spiritual independence, alongside love and commitment to others, coexist harmoniously and bring peace and stability to the individual and society.