How to cope with past regrets?

Past regret is a natural human emotion that can sometimes be heavy and overwhelming, impeding our progress in life. However, the good news is that Islam, particularly the Holy Quran, offers profound and healing remedies for confronting these regrets. These remedies not only help individuals reconcile with their past but also prepare them to build a better, more fruitful future. The first and perhaps most crucial step in this journey is the concept of 'Tawbah' (repentance). In Islam, Tawbah is more than just a word; it signifies a heartfelt and practical turning point—a sincere return to God and abandoning the sins or mistakes that led to regret. In the Quran, Allah repeatedly emphasizes His boundless mercy and forgiveness, inviting His servants to repent. This invitation is a gate of hope that is never closed, even for the greatest sins and deepest regrets. True Tawbah involves heartfelt remorse for what has passed, abandoning the undesirable act (if it is still ongoing), a firm resolve not to repeat it in the future, and, if necessary, making amends for the rights of others (Huquq al-Nas). In Surah Az-Zumar, verse 53, Allah says: "Say, 'O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.'" This verse is a beacon of light for anyone burdened by heavy regrets, fearing there is no way back. With sincere Tawbah (Tawbah Nasuh), it is as if a new page is turned in one's life, allowing them to step towards the future with a calmer heart and lighter spirit. This concept not only purifies sins but also brings psychological peace, freeing a person from the burden of self-reproach. The second important principle is the acceptance of divine decree ('Qada and Qadar'). This does not mean passive submission to fatalism but rather understanding the truth that everything that has occurred in the past has done so with the knowledge and will of Allah. Of course, humans have free will and are responsible for their actions, but the ultimate outcome and events beyond their control are part of divine destiny. When a person accepts that "No disaster strikes except by permission of Allah. And whoever believes in Allah – He will guide his heart. And Allah is Knowing of all things." (Surah At-Taghabun, verse 11), a part of the heavy burden of regret is lifted from them. This acceptance helps them break free from the shackles of 'if only' and 'I wish,' knowing that while their choices played a role, the final outcome was in Allah's hands. This acceptance provides the mental space necessary to move from anguish and sorrow towards learning and growth. Indeed, this perspective teaches us to learn from the past instead of dwelling in it, and to hope for the future that we can build. The third Quranic remedy is 'patience and seeking help through prayer.' Past regrets can erode a person's patience and plunge them into despair. The Quran emphasizes the importance of patience in numerous verses. In Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 153, we read: "O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient." Patience here does not mean merely enduring the pain and sorrow of regret, but rather steadfastness on the path of change, hope, and reliance on Allah. Prayer, as the pillar of faith and the believer's ascension, is a powerful means of connecting with Allah and attaining inner peace. In prostrations and supplications, one can unburden their heart to Allah and seek His assistance. This spiritual connection empowers individuals to confront their emotional challenges and free themselves from the temptations of despair and regret. Furthermore, engaging in 'righteous deeds' (Amal Salih) and focusing on the 'future' is another significant strategy. The Quran constantly encourages humans to perform good deeds and to reform themselves and society. Engaging in righteous acts not only brings spiritual reward but is also psychologically beneficial. When a person dedicates their energy to helping others, seeking knowledge, or performing acts of worship, their mind is diverted from ruminating about the past. Every good deed performed is a step forward, overshadowing the past and instilling a sense of worth and purpose. Foresight and efforts to compensate replace past regrets. Allah says in the Quran: "So whoever does an atom's weight of good will see it, * And whoever does an atom's weight of evil will see it." (Surah Az-Zalzalah, verses 7-8). These verses give hope that even the smallest good deed is valuable and can be a means of atonement for the past. Ultimately, it must be remembered that the purpose of human creation is growth and elevation. If past regret transforms into constructive remorse, it can be a powerful motivator for change and reform. However, if it leads to despair and mental paralysis, it will hinder progress. The Quran, with its teachings, instructs us to always hope in divine mercy and to make the past a stepping stone to a better and more satisfying future. This path requires self-awareness, honesty with oneself, reliance on Allah, and practical action. In light of these teachings, one can break free from the clutches of regret and experience a life full of peace and purpose. By changing perspective, accepting responsibility, and having faith in divine power to transform, a person can come to terms with their past and move forward with an optimistic outlook. This process is not just an external change but a profound inner transformation that begins in the heart and culminates in spiritual tranquility.