How can I improve my relationship with my parents?

In the precious teachings of the Holy Quran, the status of parents is so exalted and esteemed that showing kindness to them is placed immediately after worshipping Allah Almighty. This clearly demonstrates the unparalleled and immense importance that Islam attaches to the relationship between children and their parents. Improving one's relationship with parents is not merely an ethical duty; it is a religious obligation and a gateway to happiness in this world and the Hereafter. The Quran guides us in various ways to strengthen and enrich this sacred bond. Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, is a deep understanding of the principle of 'Ihsan,' which is repeatedly emphasized in the Quran. Ihsan goes beyond merely fulfilling obligations; it means doing good, showing affection, and performing benevolent acts in the best possible manner. This concept is beautifully encapsulated in Surah Al-Isra, verse 23: "And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], 'uff,' and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word." This verse highlights several key points: First, the worship of God and kindness to parents are mentioned together, indicating the profound magnitude of this right. Second, there's a special emphasis on the parents' old age, a time when their needs and sensitivities might increase. During this period, even the slightest disrespect, such as uttering the word 'uff' (which indicates annoyance or impatience), is forbidden. Instead, we are commanded to speak a 'noble word' – with respect, kindness, and dignity. This means our tone, words, and manner of expression must always be full of politeness and compassion, even if we disagree with their opinions or find their requests difficult. Secondly, humility and submission before them are crucial. Following the same verse in Surah Al-Isra (verse 24), we read: "And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, 'My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.'" The phrase "lower the wing of humility" paints a vivid picture of humility and deference, as if a bird lowers its wings out of tenderness and compassion to shelter its young. This teaches us that before our parents, even if we hold high social or academic positions, we must observe the utmost humility and respect. This humility must stem from genuine 'mercy' and kindness, not from fear or coercion. The second part of the verse commands us to pray for our parents: "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small." This prayer is an acknowledgment of the boundless efforts and love parents expended during our childhood, demonstrating that our gratitude for them must continue through both actions and heartfelt prayers and attention. Thirdly, gratitude is paramount. In Surah Luqman, verse 14, it states: "And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him with hardship upon hardship, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination." This verse specifically highlights the difficulties and hardships endured by the mother during pregnancy and breastfeeding: "hardship upon hardship" (weakness upon weakness). It then commands us to be grateful to both God and our parents. Gratitude includes verbal expression of appreciation, performing actions that bring them joy, and constantly remembering their sacrifices. This gratitude is not a one-way street; rather, it is a reciprocal relationship that brings blessings and peace into the children's lives. Fourthly and crucially, obedience to parents is required, except in cases that lead to polytheism (shirk) or disobedience to God. Following verse 15 of Surah Luqman, it states: "But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness." This verse defines the boundaries of obedience: in religious matters that contradict God's command, obedience is not permissible. However, even in such cases, the manner of interaction must be 'ma'roofan' (with appropriate kindness). This means that even if you cannot obey, you must act with respect and kindness, avoiding any harshness or impoliteness. To practically improve the relationship, one can follow these Quranic principles: visit them, call them, assist them with their tasks, fulfill even their smallest needs, offer gifts, listen to their advice (even if not accepted, treat it with respect), and if disagreements arise, be proactive in reconciliation and making amends. Patience and mutual understanding, especially concerning the emotional and physical changes of old age, are golden keys. Let us remember that the pleasure of Allah is tied to the pleasure of our parents, unless they command disobedience. This is an unparalleled opportunity to gain immense reward and build a blessed life.