Does the Quran offer recommendations regarding spouse selection?

In the divine discourse of the Holy Quran, the foundation of marriage and the selection of a spouse are addressed as one of the most crucial pillars of individual and societal life, with a profound and comprehensive approach. Although the Quran does not provide a precise checklist of physical or material attributes for spouse selection, it lays down fundamental principles and criteria that form the basis of a stable, tranquil, and spiritual marital life. These recommendations, rather than focusing on superficial appearances or wealth, are based on ethical, spiritual, and human values, guiding individuals towards true felicity. The most fundamental and essential recommendation the Holy Quran offers regarding spouse selection is a criterion rooted in piety (Taqwa) and faith. In Surah An-Nur, verse 26, Almighty Allah states: “Bad women are for bad men, and bad men are for bad women, and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women.” This verse clearly emphasizes the principle of compatibility and congruence in the purity of the soul and moral characteristics. This means that in choosing a spouse, one should seek someone who is compatible with them in terms of morality, spirituality, and belief. Faith and piety not only guarantee the observance of mutual rights but also provide a foundation for raising righteous children and creating a peaceful and blessed environment at home. When spouses move on the same intellectual and spiritual wavelength, mutual understanding deepens, and challenges are resolved with a common approach. Furthermore, the Quran explicitly prohibits marriage to polytheists and considers faith a fundamental condition for forming a family. In Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 221, it states: “And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you…” This verse indicates that agreement on fundamental beliefs is a crucial backbone for shared life. Fundamental differences in beliefs can lead to deep and irresolvable conflicts, as they entirely affect life's values and priorities. A marriage built on common faith pursues higher goals and can contribute to the spiritual growth of both parties. The Quran also defines the purpose of marriage as “tranquility” (sakinah) and “affection and mercy” (mawaddah and rahmah). In Surah Ar-Rum, verse 21, it says: “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” This verse states that the purpose of marriage is to create peace, love, and mutual kindness. Therefore, in choosing a spouse, we should seek someone who can bring this tranquility into our lives and has the capacity to foster affection and mercy. These qualities are often found in individuals with good character, who are tolerant, patient, and cultured. Choosing a spouse who brings peace of mind and spiritual solace is far more important than fleeting attractions. Affection and mercy are the foundations that make a marital relationship resilient against life's storms. Moreover, although the Quran does not directly address material or physical aspects, the tradition and practice of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), which are derived from the spirit of the Quran, have introduced criteria such as family honor and financial capability (for men), all of which are, of course, subordinate to faith and morality. The Prophet (PBUH) said: “A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religion. So choose the religious one.” This noble Hadith establishes religiosity as the most important criterion, emphasizing that other criteria like beauty and wealth become more valuable if accompanied by religiosity, but have no value on their own if religiosity is absent. This is because beauty and wealth are transient, but piety and good character endure and keep life sweet over time. Ultimately, spouse selection in the Quran is not merely a personal choice but a decision made with insight and considering the lofty divine goals for a shared life: achieving tranquility, spiritual perfection, and raising a righteous generation. The Quran asks individuals to prioritize spiritual and moral aspects in this choice and to avoid being deceived by appearances and fleeting desires. This choice is the foundation of a healthy society and a prosperous family, where both spouses, through cooperation and empathy, move towards perfection and assist each other in the path of serving God. In summary, the Quran emphasizes choosing a spouse who is aligned with the individual in terms of faith, piety, and good character, so that the foundation of a family can be built on affection, mercy, and tranquility.