Why Do I Compare Myself to Others?

Why do we tend to compare ourselves with others? This is a profound question rooted in human nature, and while the Holy Quran does not offer a direct psychological analysis of this phenomenon, it provides comprehensive principles and solutions that help us understand this inclination better and, more importantly, navigate away from the pitfalls of negative comparison. Instead of delving into the precise psychological “why,” the Quran addresses the consequences of comparison and how to deal with them, offering remedies based on faith, insight, and gratitude. One fundamental reason, from a Quranic perspective, for destructive comparisons is heedlessness of Divine wisdom in the distribution of provisions and talents. Allah Almighty explicitly states in the Quran that He has distributed sustenance, abilities, and circumstances among His servants according to His wisdom. In Surah Az-Zukhruf, verse 32, Allah says: “Are they the ones who apportion the mercy of your Lord? It is We who have apportioned among them their livelihood in the life of this world and raised some of them above others in degrees [of rank] that they may employ one another in service. But the mercy of your Lord is better than whatever they accumulate.” This verse clearly indicates that differences in wealth, status, abilities, and other aspects of life are not coincidental but are part of Allah's wisdom and plan. When a person comprehends this truth and believes in Allah's justice and wisdom, they become less inclined to envy what others possess. Negative comparison is, in essence, an unconscious objection to this Divine distribution. The second Quranic principle in addressing comparison is the paramount importance of gratitude. Many comparisons arise when an individual focuses on what others possess instead of recognizing their own abundant blessings. The Holy Quran repeatedly calls upon humanity to be grateful for Allah's favors. In Surah Ibrahim, verse 7, it is stated: “And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.'” Gratitude transforms a person's perspective, shifting their focus from perceived deficiencies and comparisons with others towards inner richness and a sense of sufficiency. A grateful individual does not see themselves in an endless competition with others; instead, they perceive their existence as full of divine bounties, and this perspective strengthens a sense of contentment and satisfaction within them. It moves one from a state of longing for what is outside to appreciating the blessings within and around them, fostering peace of mind and spiritual well-being. Furthermore, the Quran offers deep insight into the nature of worldly life, rendering superficial comparisons meaningless. In Surah Al-Hadid, verse 20, we read: “Know that the life of this world is only play and amusement, pomp and mutual boasting among you, and rivalry in respect of wealth and children. [It is] like a rain whose [resulting] plant growth pleases the tillers; then it dries and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered] debris. And in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and approval. And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion.” This verse describes worldly life as nothing more than a temporary game, deceptive adornment, a place for boasting, and competition in acquiring wealth and children. When a person realizes that all these are fleeting and that the true purpose of life lies in the Hereafter, comparing oneself to others based on worldly criteria seems futile and senseless. The focus on “rivalry in respect of wealth and children” is precisely the kind of comparison the Quran describes as deceptive. It highlights that such competition is ultimately hollow, leading to a profound sense of emptiness rather than lasting fulfillment. Additionally, it is crucial to refer to the concept of individual responsibility and personal accountability on the Day of Judgment. In Islam, every human being is responsible for their own deeds, and on the Day of Judgment, each person will stand alone before Allah. The deeds or possessions of others are not the criteria by which a person is judged. The Quran repeatedly emphasizes that every soul is mortgaged to its own deeds, as stated in Surah At-Tur, verse 21: “Every soul, for what it has earned, is retained.” This perspective frees individuals from the concern of “being better than others” or “being less than others,” directing them instead toward improving their own conduct in the Divine path and seeking the pleasure of their Lord. Negative comparison consumes significant psychological energy that could otherwise be utilized for self-development, gratitude, and serving others. It diverts attention from one's personal journey of faith and piety towards an external, often misleading, race. Ultimately, the root cause of negative comparison can be traced back to a weakness in Tawhid (Oneness of God) and Iman (faith). When faith in Allah's wisdom, justice, provision, and power diminishes, individuals resort to comparison and envy instead of Tawakkul (trust in God) and contentment. Envy (hasad), which is the pinnacle of negative comparison, is condemned in the Quran as a reprehensible quality. In Surah Al-Falaq, protection is sought from the evil of the envious when he envies, highlighting its destructive nature. This spiritual ailment indicates a lack of full submission to Allah's decree and a subtle questioning of His perfect distribution. To overcome this tendency, the Quran offers practical guidance: * Focus on self-development and spiritual elevation: Instead of focusing on what others have, concentrate on your spiritual, ethical, and intellectual growth. This involves engaging in acts of worship, seeking beneficial knowledge, and improving one's character. * Increase gratitude: Daily reflect on and appreciate your blessings, even the seemingly small ones. This practice shifts your mindset from lack to abundance and fosters contentment. * Remember the ephemeral nature of this world: Understanding that everything in this world is transient and what endures are righteous deeds changes our perspective on worldly pursuits and achievements. * Contemplate Divine Wisdom: Cultivate faith and contemplation that every individual has a unique station and purpose, and their provision is determined by Allah. This fosters acceptance and peace. * Cultivate contentment (Qana'ah): Be satisfied with what Allah has apportioned for you. This does not mean stagnation but rather a peaceful acceptance of one's current state while striving for good in permissible ways. * Look to those less fortunate (in worldly matters) and those striving higher (in spiritual matters): This Prophetic teaching, deeply aligned with Quranic spirit, encourages gratitude for one's worldly blessings and inspires ambition in spiritual pursuits. In summary, the Quran identifies negative comparison as a product of heedlessness to Divine wisdom, ingratitude for blessings, deception by worldly allurements, and forgetting the true purpose of creation. Its cure lies in returning to Tawhid, cultivating gratitude, fostering contentment, and focusing on one's individual path towards seeking Allah's pleasure, recognizing that true success is measured by piety and righteous deeds, not by what one possesses relative to others.