Why Do I Still Feel Impure Despite My Efforts to Repent?

Your question about still feeling impure despite efforts to repent is a profound and common concern on the spiritual path. This feeling, though it may be distressing, is actually a sign of a living conscience and an awakened heart. It means that you are not indifferent to sin, and your soul seeks purity and closeness to your Lord. The Holy Quran beautifully outlines this path of repentance and purification, offering invaluable guidance to overcome this state. First and foremost, it is crucial to understand the immensity and vastness of Allah's mercy and forgiveness. Allah (SWT) has repeatedly emphasized this truth in the Quran, stating that He is 'Al-Ghafur' (The All-Forgiving) and 'Ar-Rahim' (The Most Merciful). Surah Az-Zumar, verse 53, offers a most hopeful message: 'Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."' This verse clearly shows that no sin is too great to be outside the scope of divine forgiveness, provided that the repentance is sincere. True repentance in the Holy Quran is referred to as 'Tawbah Nasuh' (sincere repentance), as mentioned in Surah At-Tahrim, verse 8: 'O you who have believed, repent to Allah with sincere repentance.' Tawbah Nasuh is not merely uttering 'Astaghfirullah' (I seek Allah's forgiveness); rather, it encompasses three fundamental pillars: 1. Heartfelt regret for past sins: A genuine feeling of remorse for what has been done. 2. Immediate cessation of the sin: Abandoning the sin at the very moment the decision to repent is made. 3. Firm resolve not to return to the sin in the future: A strong commitment to oneself and to Allah that the sin will not be repeated. If the sin involves 'Huquq al-Ibad' (rights of other people), then restitution or seeking forgiveness from the wronged party is also a condition for the repentance to be fully accepted. When these conditions are met, according to the Quranic promise, Allah accepts the repentance and even transforms bad deeds into good ones. In Surah Al-Furqan, verse 70, we read: 'Except for those who repent, believe and do righteous work. For them Allah will change their evil deeds into good ones. And Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful.' This verse clearly states that repentance not only erases sins but also transforms their negative effects into mercy and reward. So, why the persistent feeling of impurity? The continuous feeling of impurity after repentance can stem from various reasons, many of which are rooted in satanic whispers (waswas) or an incomplete understanding of the spiritual purification process: 1. Satanic Whispers (Waswas): Shaytan is the open enemy of humanity, and one of his greatest tools is to instill despair and hopelessness in the hearts of believers. Even after repentance, he does not abandon his efforts; he tries to convince individuals that their repentance has not been accepted or that they are still impure, by reminding them of past sins. These whispers are solely intended to deter you from the path of righteousness and closeness to Allah. The Quran repeatedly warns us that Shaytan is a clear enemy, and we must seek refuge in Allah from his whispers. 2. Lack of Full Trust in Allah's Promise: Sometimes, despite efforts to repent, individuals harbor doubt in the depths of their being regarding the immensity of divine forgiveness. We humans tend to view Allah through our limited human scales and may fail to comprehend the boundlessness of His mercy. If Allah has promised forgiveness, then one must believe in it wholeheartedly and be certain that sincere repentance has been accepted. 3. Psychological Effects and Lingering Habits of Sin: Sin, especially if it has been repeatedly committed over a long period, can establish deep roots in the human psyche and soul. Complete purification from these roots and habits is a time-consuming process. Even if you have abandoned the sin, memories, thoughts, or inclinations associated with it might still recur in your mind, which can regenerate the feeling of impurity. This requires 'Jihad al-Akbar' (the greater struggle against one's own self). 4. Need for Continuous Good Deeds: The Quran consistently associates repentance with faith and righteous deeds (as in Surah Al-Furqan 25:70). Mere repentance from sin is not enough; to fill the spiritual void and completely purify the heart, one must fill it with good deeds, remembrance of Allah (Dhikr), and acts of worship. Good deeds erase bad deeds and gradually restore light and purity to the heart. Surah Hud, verse 114, states: 'And establish prayer at the two ends of the day and at the approaches of the night. Indeed, good deeds do away with evil deeds. That is a reminder for those who remember.' 5. Anxiety of Relapsing into Sin: Sometimes, the fear of committing the sin again keeps the feeling of not being truly cleansed alive. This concern can be constructive, as it keeps one vigilant and cautious, but it should not lead to despair. One must rely on Allah and seek His help to remain steadfast on this path. 6. Huquq al-Ibad (Rights of Others): If the sin you have repented from involves injustice to another person, usurping their property, backbiting, slandering, or similar matters, merely repenting to Allah is not enough. For complete purification, you must compensate for the violated rights or seek forgiveness from those whose rights were infringed upon. Until this aspect of repentance is fulfilled, the feeling of impurity may persist. Quranic Solutions to Overcome This Feeling: * Renewing Repentance and Continuous Istighfar: Whenever you feel impure, turn to Allah again with sincere repentance, reminding yourself of His greatness. * Increasing Dhikr and Remembrance of Allah: The remembrance of 'La ilaha illallah,' 'Astaghfirullah,' and Salawat (sending blessings upon the Prophet) purifies and enlightens the heart and wards off whispers. The Quran says: 'Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured' (Surah Ar-Ra'd, verse 28). * Engaging in Righteous Deeds: Prayer, charity, kindness to parents, helping the needy, reciting the Quran, and any good deed that earns Allah's pleasure gradually remove the effect of sin and strengthen the feeling of purity. * Reliance on Allah and Trust in His Promises: Believe with all your heart that when you have sincerely repented, Allah has forgiven and purified you. Do not let negative thoughts or satanic whispers deter you from this truth. * Avoiding Sinful Environments: Stay away from factors that lead you to sin (people, places, situations). This prevention is a crucial part of the purification process itself. * Studying and Reflecting on Verses of Divine Mercy: Repeatedly read and ponder upon verses that speak about forgiveness, pardon, and the acceptance of repentance, so that your heart may be filled with hope. Ultimately, remember that the path to purity and closeness to Allah is a continuous process. The feeling of impurity after repentance can be a sign that you are undergoing spiritual growth and possess a sensitive heart. Instead of despair, transform this feeling into motivation for greater effort, deeper reliance on Allah, and continuous righteous deeds. Allah never rejects the repentance of His servants unless they themselves despair of His mercy. He is always waiting for your return to embrace you in His mercy and forgiveness, cleansing your heart of every impurity.