How can I avoid despairing when I feel unable to change?

Facing the feeling of inability to change, and the subsequent despair, the Holy Quran offers profound and hopeful guidance that can soothe the heart and soul. This feeling of 'I cannot change' often stems from a limited view of one's individual capabilities and an oversight of the boundless power and mercy of Allah. The Quran teaches us never to despair of Allah's mercy, even if our sins are great or if we feel stagnant in our journey of change and self-improvement. In Surah Az-Zumar, verse 53, Allah says: "Say, 'O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.'" This verse is a powerful testament to the fact that the door of repentance and return to Allah is always open, and despairing of change is, in a way, an ingratitude for Allah's divine mercy. Even if we have tried countless times and failed, this verse reminds us that despair is forbidden. One of the essential keys to overcoming despair is a deeper understanding of the concept of 'change' from a Quranic perspective. Change is a process, not a sudden event. This process may involve small, gradual steps, and even setbacks. The Quran teaches us patience (Sabr), which embodies perseverance and steadfastness. In Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 153, we read: "O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient." Patience here does not merely mean endurance; it signifies persistence in the path of striving for change, enduring its difficulties, and resisting temptations to revert to old habits. When we feel we cannot change, it might be a sign of haste and an expectation of immediate results. However, Allah emphasizes in the Quran that His companionship is with the patient, meaning those who remain steadfast on the challenging path of change and self-improvement. We must understand that true change begins from within. External change without a transformation in intentions, thoughts, and the heart will not be sustainable. The Quran states in Surah Ar-Ra'd, verse 11: "Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." This verse reminds us that the primary responsibility for change lies with us, but this change should not imply sole reliance on our own strength. Instead, it must be accompanied by reliance on Allah (Tawakkul), which means complete trust in Him after exerting the necessary effort. Tawakkul grants us peace of mind, knowing that the ultimate outcome is with Allah, and we are only responsible for our efforts and good intentions. If, despite sincere efforts, we do not achieve the desired results, despair should not find a way into our hearts, for we have fulfilled our duty, and Allah is observant of our intentions and deeds. Another way to combat despair is to re-evaluate our expectations. Are our expectations of ourselves realistic? Are we focusing on small, continuous steps instead of drastic, sudden changes? The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "The most beloved deeds to Allah are those that are most consistent, even if they are small." This Hadith indicates that consistency and perseverance, even with minor changes, are more valuable than grand but short-lived and unsustainable efforts. Every small step on the path of change is considered a victory and should be appreciated. This perspective helps us prevent despair when we don't achieve the 'ideal change' immediately. Finally, the remembrance of Allah and His glorification bring tranquility to hearts. "Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured" (Surah Ar-Ra'd, verse 28). When we feel incapable and despairing, seeking refuge in prayer (Dua and Salah), reciting the Quran, and engaging in Dhikr (remembrance of Allah) can restore our spiritual strength and remind us that we are not alone. This deep connection with the Creator is an endless source of energy and hope, enabling us to continue our path of change and growth even in the most challenging moments. Every time you feel despair, remember that Allah is the Forgiving, the Merciful, and the Wise, and He knows well that you are striving. This understanding not only keeps despair away but also increases your enthusiasm and motivation to continue on your path, reminding you that true value lies in continuous effort and pure intention, not just in immediate and complete results.