How Can I Stop Comparing Myself to Others?

Comparing oneself to others is a natural human tendency, rooted in our need for belonging, validation, and understanding our place in society. However, when these comparisons lead to envy, dissatisfaction, and feelings of inferiority, they can cause significant harm to one's spiritual and psychological well-being. From the perspective of the Holy Quran, profound and fundamental solutions are offered to escape the trap of comparison and achieve inner peace and contentment. These solutions are primarily based on knowing God, understanding Divine wisdom, practicing gratitude, and focusing on one's individual and eternal journey. The first and most crucial step to free oneself from comparison is to deeply understand the concepts of Divine 'Rizq' (provision) and 'Fadl' (bounty). The Quran explicitly states that Allah, in His infinite wisdom, distributes His provisions and bounties among His servants in various forms and specific measures. These differences in sustenance, social status, abilities, and even physical appearance are not indicators of one person's inherent superiority over another, but rather a Divine test and an opportunity for growth and gratitude. Surah An-Nisa, verse 32, states: "And do not covet that by which Allah has preferred some of you over others. For men is a share of what they have earned, and for women is a share of what they have earned. And ask Allah of His bounty. Indeed, Allah is ever, of all things, Knowing." This verse clearly forbids us from coveting what others possess and, instead, encourages us to seek Allah's bounty, not the possessions of others. This implies focusing on our own path and efforts within the framework of Divine will. The next step is to cultivate a spirit of gratitude. Gratitude is the key to contentment and inner satisfaction. When a person focuses on the blessings Allah has bestowed upon them (such as health, family, talents, opportunities, and even challenges that have led to their growth), instead of focusing on what they lack or comparing themselves to others, a door of peace and contentment opens in their heart. Allah says in Surah Ibrahim, verse 7: "And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.'" This verse not only attributes blessings and increase in favors to gratitude but also implicitly points to a state of inner peace that results from gratitude, which prevents comparative thoughts from disturbing one's mind. Furthermore, the Quran places great emphasis on individuality and personal responsibility. On the Day of Judgment, each person will face only their own deeds and their book of deeds, not the possessions or statuses of others. Surah Al-Isra, verses 13 and 14, state: "And every person's omen have We fastened to his neck, and We will bring forth for him on the Day of Resurrection a book which he will find spread open. [And it will be said], 'Read your record. Sufficient is yourself against you this Day as an accountant.'" These verses remind us that our focus should be on our own actions and spiritual progress, not on comparing ourselves with the paths or possessions of others. Each individual has their unique journey, with their specific challenges and blessings, and the final reckoning is based on what they have earned. This understanding relieves the psychological burden of comparison and guides a person towards self-knowledge and self-improvement. Additionally, strengthening faith in 'Qadar' (Divine decree) plays a significant role in reducing comparison. Accepting the reality that everything that occurs in the world is by the knowledge and will of Allah brings peace to the human heart and prevents regret over what one does not have or what others possess. This does not mean passivity, but rather striving in the right path and then trusting in Allah and being content with His decree. Ultimately, focusing on the primary purpose of creation—worship and seeking Allah's pleasure—causes worldly values and material comparisons to diminish in one's eyes. When a person's main goal is to attain Divine pleasure and eternal felicity, the fleeting possessions of others can no longer distract them from their path, and envy and comparison give way to peace, contentment, and striving for human perfection. Therefore, to free oneself from comparison, one must shift their gaze from others to within oneself and towards the Creator, and attain true peace through gratitude, effort, and reliance on God.