Why do humans seek validation from others?

The human inclination to seek validation from others is a complex and deeply rooted phenomenon, stemming from various psychological, social, and even existential dimensions. At first glance, this need might seem merely a personal weakness or a type of dependency. However, upon deeper examination, it becomes clear that this tendency is part of the human social fabric, capable of playing a significant role in one's journey towards perfection or deviation. The Holy Quran, with its profound insight into human nature and disposition, does not directly address the term 'validation-seeking' in modern psychological terms. Still, through its descriptions of human existence, motivations, and the values one should pursue in life, it provides clear guidance on this matter, showing the path to stable self-esteem and divine affirmation. From a Quranic perspective, humans are created as social beings. Numerous verses highlight the importance of human relationships, family formation, and community life. This social dimension naturally requires interaction and connection with others, within which the desire to be accepted, respected, and affirmed takes shape. Humans are innately averse to rejection and isolation, seeking security and a sense of belonging within society. This need for belonging can manifest as validation-seeking, where individuals strive to gain positive regard from others through their actions and words to solidify their place in the group. This aspect of validation-seeking, if kept within the bounds of moderation and divine values, can be constructive and beneficial, as it fosters social cooperation and solidarity. However, the problem arises when this natural need deviates from its primary purpose and becomes an ultimate goal. The Quran strongly warns against this deviation. When a person disregards divine pleasure and affirmation, dedicating all their effort and concern to gaining people's satisfaction, they fall into the pit of hypocrisy and insincerity. Hypocrisy (Riya'), defined as performing deeds for public display and praise rather than for God, is one of the most condemned traits in the Quran. In Surah Al-Ma'un, Allah rebukes the hypocrites, stating: "So woe to those who pray, [but] who are heedless of their prayer – those who make show [of their deeds]." (Al-Ma'un: 4-6). This verse clearly indicates that even acts of worship, if performed with the intention of gaining people's approval, lose their value and are condemned. This Quranic emphasis on sincerity (Ikhlas) in deeds is, in essence, a profound response to the issue of validation-seeking; humans should perform their actions solely for the Creator to be liberated from the changing and unstable opinions of people. The Quran teaches humanity that true honor and dignity reside not in the eyes of people but solely with Allah. In Surah Fatir, verse 10, we read: "Whoever desires honor, then to Allah belongs all honor. To Him ascends good speech, and righteous work raises it." (Fatir: 35:10). This verse clearly states that the ultimate source of honor and affirmation is Allah alone. When a person grasps this truth and turns their heart towards the sole source of honor, they are freed from the anxiety of seeking validation from others. Such an individual attains inner peace because they have built their self-worth on divine standards, not on variable and unstable human criteria. This peace is the fruit of trust and reliance upon Allah (Tawakkul), which is emphasized in many Quranic verses. One who trusts in Allah needs not rely on people or their desires, knowing that divine approval and satisfaction make them independent of any other validation. Furthermore, in Surah At-Tawbah, verse 62, the Quran explicitly prioritizes Allah's pleasure over people's: "They swear by Allah to you [Muslims] to satisfy you, while Allah and His Messenger are more worthy for them to satisfy, if they should be believers." (At-Tawbah: 9:62). This verse vividly portrays a situation where people strive to please others, even with falsehood and pretense, while they should prioritize Allah's pleasure. This emphasis does not mean disregarding people's status or social relationships. Instead, it means that in a conflict between the pleasure of creation and the pleasure of the Creator, the Creator's pleasure must always weigh heavier. This approach grants individuals intellectual and behavioral independence, freeing them from the servitude of superficial and fleeting human judgments. Instead of worrying about people's perceptions, they will be concerned with the perception of their Lord. Ultimately, the Quran reminds humanity that worldly life is a test, and human deeds will be accounted for on the Day of Judgment. In this journey, the primary criterion for evaluating deeds is intention and sincerity, not the extent of people's approval and praise. One who bases their life on gaining divine pleasure attains spiritual stability and profound tranquility that no fluctuation in people's opinions can disturb. Such a person, regardless of others' praise or blame, fulfills their duty, knowing that true reward and recompense are only with Allah. Excessive validation-seeking distracts individuals from this primary goal, trapping them in a whirlpool of futile concerns and psychological distress. Therefore, the Quran, by inviting to sincerity, trust in God, and seeking honor from Allah, offers a path to liberation from the bondage of seeking validation from others and to achieving true self-worth and inner peace.