Why Do I Feel Defensive About Religious Advice?

Feeling defensive or resistant towards religious advice is a deeply human phenomenon with profound roots in psychology and human nature. The Holy Quran, with its deep insights into the inner states of humanity, does not directly use the term 'defensiveness,' but it addresses the attitudes and motivations that can lead to such resistance. Understanding these roots is the first step towards overcoming this feeling and opening one's heart to divine guidance. One of the most significant reasons for this resistance is 'Kibr,' or arrogance and self-importance. An arrogant person views themselves as above needing advice from others, even from God and His Messenger. This very attitude led Satan to refuse to prostrate before Adam, distancing him from divine mercy. The Quran repeatedly refers to the fate of the arrogant, stating that they are deprived of understanding God's signs. The heart of an arrogant person closes itself to truth, and the light of guidance cannot penetrate it. Imagine someone who considers themselves an absolute scholar; how can they accept knowledge from someone calling them to something they haven't yet attained? This psychological barrier creates a strong impediment to accepting religious advice. Another reason is 'Ghafla,' or heedlessness and inattention to the truth of life. Often, a person becomes so engrossed in worldly affairs and transient pleasures that they do not find the opportunity to ponder the deeper meaning of existence and the purpose of creation. Religious advice often reminds one of the primary goal of life: servitude to God and returning to Him. Someone in a state of heedlessness perceives these reminders as disruptive to their pleasures and preoccupations. Consequently, instead of accepting, they resist. This state is akin to a sick person who refuses to follow a doctor's instructions for diet and treatment due to a desire to continue unhealthy habits. The Quran repeatedly warns humanity against heedlessness and invites contemplation of God's signs in the horizons and within themselves, to awaken from the slumber of negligence. Indeed, religious advice is an attempt to awaken humanity from this heedlessness, and resistance to it is a kind of insistence on remaining in this state of unawareness. 'Following desires' (Hawa) and inner inclinations is another reason for feeling defensive. Many religious teachings call upon individuals to control their carnal desires, observe boundaries, and refrain from unlawful pleasures. If a person is accustomed to following their whims and prefers immediate pleasures over eternal bliss, it is natural for them to feel discomfort and resistance towards advice that calls them to restraint and self-control. The commanding self (nafs al-ammarah) constantly enjoins evil and rebels against anything that hinders it from fleeting pleasures. The Quran repeatedly warns against the dangers of following desires, considering it a deviation from the right path. Confronting these inclinations requires a greater jihad, and feeling defensive against advice is essentially a surrender to one's desires. Furthermore, 'ignorance' (Jahl) and a lack of understanding of the depth and wisdom of religious teachings can also be a factor in resistance. Sometimes, an individual might perceive religious teachings as merely a set of dos and don'ts that restrict their freedom, whereas in reality, these teachings are designed for true happiness and liberation from worldly bonds. When one does not grasp the wisdom and philosophy behind the rulings, they might view them superficially and incompletely, feeling that such advice is illogical or even harmful. The Quran emphasizes the importance of knowledge, stating that those who know are not equal to those who do not know. Seeking knowledge and contemplating divine verses can help illuminate the heart and remove ignorance. Occasionally, 'past negative experiences' with religious individuals or improper methods of giving advice can also contribute to this defensiveness. If a person has previously encountered individuals who advised them harshly, arrogantly, or unwisely, these negative experiences might create a psychological barrier against any religious advice, even if it comes from a sincere and compassionate person. This indicates that the manner of giving advice is also of great importance. The Quran urges the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) to be gentle and merciful in inviting people, stating that if he had been harsh, they would have dispersed from around him. Thus, although this reason does not directly relate to the content of religion, its impact on the acceptance of advice is undeniable. Finally, 'Satanic whispers' (Waswasa) also play a significant role. Satan is always lying in wait to lead humanity astray from the right path. He tries to prevent people from accepting divine guidance by creating doubt, temptation, instilling fear of restriction, and cultivating a sense of self-sufficiency. Feeling defensive about religious advice can be one of the successful outcomes of Satan's whispers, as he aims to blind the human heart to the light of truth. Allah repeatedly warns in the Quran against following the footsteps of Satan and declares him an open enemy to humankind. To overcome this feeling of resistance, the Quran offers solutions: 'humility' before the truth, 'reflection' and contemplation of divine verses, 'struggle against the self' (jihad an-nafs) to control desires, 'seeking knowledge' to dispel ignorance, and 'seeking refuge' (isti'adha) from Satanic whispers. Accepting religious advice means surrendering to the truth and opening one's heart to the light of guidance, which ultimately leads to peace, spiritual growth, and eternal happiness. Instead of viewing advice as an attack or a restriction, one can perceive it as a gift of compassion and guidance towards goodness.